A Little Consideration

My husband recently requested an etiquette book for our family, so we could learn together how to improve our manners.  As I perused books at the store, I noticed that most contained dress and grooming tips for propriety in a variety of situations.

As recent trends have made tattoos commonplace, considerations for tattoo etiquette must logically be included in a book on manners.  I was interested to see that job applicants were advised to cover up all tattoos and remove or cover
piercings, in order to show consideration for people around them and to maximize their chances for success in professional settings.  Further, people were instructed to directly ask about company policies and to expect to keep their body art covered, unless the employer permits its display.

This highlights the way that tattoos and body piercing are often an example of a personal choice gone awry.  Like other dress and grooming choices, they effectively communicate values and character traits; unlike a pair of shoes or a t-shirt, tattoos linger longer than the fleeting fancy of the moment.

The kindness of consideration is a gift that keeps giving!  Whoever we believe we are, we show respect for others as we use our dress and grooming to make the world better, to create peace.


Photos from sxc.hu.

The Modesty Guru

I first met Judith Rasband nearly thirty years ago.  She was already a celebrity, having been on several national television shows to teach people about ways to maximize their wardrobes.  As anyone who has had contact with Judith or her educational materials knows, Judith is a multi-talented woman who has some remarkable ways of helping people re-think their dress and grooming habits to best support their "roles and goals."

One of the most valuable things I have learned from Judith is that effective wardrobing is considered dressing:  whether we intend it or not, each detail of our appearance and manner communicates messages about who we are -- and the messages we send influence us (the wearer), both directly (as we internalize the messages we send) and indirectly (as others are influenced and respond to us as message-givers).  In order for effective communication to happen, we need "wardrobe integrity," something that happens when the messages we send are consistent with the circumstances and are in harmony with who we are and what we value.

Judith's clearly-outlined principles, including those that my daughters and I have learned from studying her copyrighted "Style Scale," have been a blessing; rather than relying on some subjective feeling (and creating a personal attack) about the impropriety of an outfit, we have common language to identify reasons to change clothes or identify ways to alter an outfit to better suit our purposes.

The basics of Judith's Style Scale, available at http://ce.byu.edu/edweek/handouts.php?year=2007, might provide similar help for your family.  It is not overtly focused on modesty; modesty is a result of choosing to dress in a way that is consistent with a person's identity and needs.  Since many of her ideas have influenced mine, so I cannot take credit for them; I am sending you to the source!




Poppy photo from sxc.hu.  Used courtesy of giniminigi.

A Tight Spot

My three favorite skirts are a little too tight.

You probably have something like them in your closet, too:  something that you chose when you were a little slimmer and have kept as the inches pushed you to the point that they won't zip properly anymore, but that you just hate to part with.

Why do we keep things like this?  Maybe we want to recall happier days past; perhaps it's a symbol of hope and a test to determine when those good days arrive again -- sometime when we're more motivated.

I was recently moved into motivation mode by my doctor's threat to prescribe medication.  As I have altered my diet and a few extra pounds have vanished, I have eagerly tried on my Christmas skirt -- and its closest friends -- and found that they zip!

But I can't wear them yet:  these skirts are long enough to keep my knees covered, even when I sit; the problem is that they are still too tight to be modest.  How do I know?  Here are some of the tests:

Are there horizontal pull marks across any part of the skirt?  (Horizontal pull lines and gaps at buttoned areas are dead giveaways that clothing is too small.)

Can I pinch at least an inch of extra fabric at the widest part of the hip line?  (A well-fitted article has about three inches of wearing ease.)

Would I worry that the seams (even if it's just the lining) could pull or even rip out if I sit?

Does the skirt cup under the tummy or the bummy?

Since the answer to one or more of these is Yes, I know I need to choose something different to wear, at least for a couple more weeks.



Photos from sxc.hu.  Used with permission of melodi2.

Modesty -- Or Idolatry?

I recently ran across an interesting CBN article which quoted Dannah Gresh, the author of The Secret Keeper.  This mother of two daughters has a modesty ministry wherein she tries to reach girls and their mothers before they get sucked into the culture of sexy clothes for young girls. 

When asked about modesty, Gresh said, "You know, that's an interesting topic.  If you look at the scriptures, modesty is self-control and how you present yourself externally so that people can see your heart. The Bible teaches that our primary role, the reason we're on this planet, is to glorify God."

"If we all wake up every day focused on honoring and glorifying God, then we'll all dress appropriately," she says.  "Any time we dress immodestly or we dress to show off our bodies, we're bringing glory to ourselves.  That's the greatest, I think, sin of immodesty, is that we're saying, 'Look at me' instead of 'Look at God.' " 

This is fascinating!  Mrs. Gresh, a modern modesty expert, is equating immodesty with idolatry.  I believe she is right.

While it may not be possible to see a person's sin challenge in an instant, how we choose to dress effectively advertises what is in our hearts. 

Incidentally, Mrs. Gresh also makes the point that, "The way that a man treats a woman is entirely his responsibility, period."  Focusing on how immodesty affects others is getting lost in the collateral damage of the initial problem of the wearer's own preoccupation with being worshiped.

"However," she continues, "a woman is called to exemplify the fruit of the Spirit. One of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control, and I think we need to be able to exemplify that in the way that we dress and the way that we present ourselves."


All photos from sxc.hu. Used by permission of jayhoc.