A Single Pair

Fifteen years ago, when Gordon B. Hinckley gave his famous "Six Be's" talk, he addressed the growing trends of tattoos, body piercings and multiple sets of earrings.  This caused quite a stir.  He was talking to young adults, but his comments were clearly intended for everyone.

"Did you ever think that your body is holy? You are a child of God. Your body is His creation. Would you disfigure that creation with portrayals of people, animals, and words painted into your skin?

"I promise you that the time will come, if you have tattoos, that you will regret your actions. They cannot be washed off. They are permanent. Only by an expensive and painful process can they be removed. If you are tattooed, then probably for the remainder of your life you will carry it with you. I believe the time will come when it will be an embarrassment to you. Avoid it. We, as your Brethren who love you, plead with you not to become so disrespectful of the body which the Lord has given you.

"May I mention earrings and rings placed in other parts of the body. These are not manly. They are not attractive. You young men look better without them, and I believe you will feel better without them. As for the young women, you do not need to drape rings up and down your ears. One modest pair of earrings is sufficient."

His talk was both direct and conversational, and it may seem difficult to misinterpret his meaning.  Several friends determined to follow the prophet's counsel and removed earrings to allow their extra piercings to grow together. 

A neighbor told me of a group of women in an assisted care center who wanted to follow the prophet's direction.  They sorted through their clip earrings and eliminated all but a single pair.  It is hard to imagine that they understood why God would want them to put decades worth of memory laden jewelry away, but the fact is that they obeyed to the best of their ability.  I am sure they recognized blessings in their lives for what they did.

The way in which we receive counsel from God qualifies us for His blessings.  The example of these grandmas reminds me to listen and obey with joy -- even when I do not fully understand.

Spirit of Africa earrings from stylehive.com.  Photo of President Hinckley from lds.org.

Observations Of Japan

My dad's father was a farmer from Idaho.  Dad's mother was a talented, self-taught keyboardist from the city of Alhambra, California.  Dad was raised on a farm not far from where his father's parents lived; Grandma was a professional secretary by day and she played the organ, piano and accordion for everything from church on Sunday to dances on weekends.  She also cooked and canned and sewed elegant clothes for herself, making matching outfits for herself and Grandpa to wear when they went square dancing together each weekend.  Grandpa had a beautiful singing voice and he loved making music with his family.

Dad hated farming.  He worked hard and was proud of his reputation as a worker, but he was determined to have a different kind of life.  He began taking violin lessons as a boy and he used and shared his musical gift wherever he went.  Despite his father's assurance that there was no money in music, Dad ultimately provided for our family as a music teacher.

Dad and his brothers got up early in the morning
to take care of the milking.  After the chores, they washed and changed for school or church.  Dad never wore jeans or work boots to school, "like the poor kids."  They were all poor kids, I guess, but Dad wanted to look respectable.  This strategy was probably fostered by Grandma, who was raised (along with her five sisters) by a single mother.

Dad recalled his mortification when Grandma gathered clothes for him and his older brother while they worked at their evening chores, then hurried them off to a special event.  As they changed in the car, Dad was dismayed to find that the trousers Grandma had brought for him were his brother's.  They were far too big!  There was no belt, so a scrounged safety pin was deployed to hold the pants up.  Afterwards, Dad hung back at the rear of the room and refused to greet the admired guest speaker because of the inappropriate way he was dressed.  That night he vowed he would always be prepared so he would never have to be in such an embarrassing state again.  My dad always wore a belt.  He was even buried with one.

A couple of days ago, my husband returned from a business trip to Japan.  One observation he made was that he loves seeing people in kimonos.  "It's definitely best dress," he explained:  he saw a couple of weddings and noted that kimonos are also often worn by shopkeepers and restaurant servers, while some people are doing it "just for tradition's sake."  Though the food is expensive and many people hang their laundry outside their tiny apartment balconies, "grunge never caught on here, so everyone (I mean everyone) dresses up.  Men wear suits and women do too."  Their clothes are neat and pressed, in the most dignified of colors:  black suits and white shirts with ties.  Nobody wants to look poor.

"In the US," he said, "we seem more interested in being sexy or comfortable.  The people in Japan are very fashion-conscious, but they focus on dignity and respectability."  There were a few young women in Tokyo who were wearing miniskirts, but the most indecent sight of the trip was "a mom from Utah" at a US airport.

He told of a Japanese friend who works as a liaison between Japanese and American businesses.  This man has adopted the more casual American styles.  His Japanese associates reportedly said, "Do you have a salary?  Then buy yourself a real suit!"  They recognize that his dignity reflects on the reputation of their whole country.

As I look at photos from the Great Depression and WWII, I notice how careful people were to dress up.  There were shortages of every kind, but people went to great lengths to groom with care.  They looked nice -- and they looked forward to better days ahead, like the Japanese have.

Perhaps, as Dad suggested forty years ago, people today dress like hobos because we consider we have plenty.  What does that portend for our hope and our future?

An Outward Manifestation

Though I wore a smile as I climbed onto the bus, the driver looked at me with concern -- as if I did not belong.  I was looking for my daughter, who was late arriving at the stop.  As I stepped up and looked around, every passenger got silent and stared at me.  I recall being surprised about my defensive feelings.  It was a city bus, and anyone may ride.  Then I recognized that, for multiple reasons, I did not fit in with "who rides the bus."

It may be convenient to get upset about "judging," but the fact remains that we make judgments about ourselves and others when we notice cues given by dress and grooming choices.  Is this really a bad thing?

About ten years ago, my husband sketched a handout with sixteen "men" on it.  Each drawing was only about two inches tall, had no eyes and was posed with feet together and hands down at the sides.  Even so, it was easy to recognize the difference between a used car salesman, a lawyer and a missionary.  The doctor was distinguishable from the camera-toting tourist and the wild-haired scientist in the lab coat.  The punk rocker was unlikely to be confused with the barbershop quartet guy.  Though they all wear boots, nobody mistakes Superman for a firefighter, a construction worker or a cowboy!  Also included were a scruffy teen in baggy pants, a bedecked gangster, a slouchy couch potato in his underwear and a guy wearing high-water pants and a pocket protector.

He numbered the images and presented this page as a matching game with statements such as:  Which might you expect to include "works well with animals" on his resume?  Which would you call to help fix your computer?  Which is most likely to have risked his life to help a family in danger?  Which would you want as your lead scientist on an expedition to Mars?

Participants were then asked to identify the three they would most wish to engage in conversation and the three they would feel least comfortable sitting next to on a bus trip to Idaho.

When I gave this handout to my three youngest children this morning, I was astonished at the immediacy of their answers and the consistency they achieved in matching the sketches with the statements.  Drugs are sold by a variety of people, but the gangster was the one they thought was most likely.  Domestic violence can happen anywhere, but nobody thought of the cowboy or the vacationer.  And everyone wanted the superhero on their side, if the plane they were traveling in began to plummet to the ground!

The way we dress invites people -- including ourselves -- to make judgments about who we are and what we value.  Carefully selected dress and grooming can be "an outward manifestation of an inner commitment" to follow Jesus Christ.

Easter Parade

Easter is coming up.  If it wasn't marked on the calendar, this would still be obvious from the fliers advertising white shoes and girls' dresses in pastel hues.

I know one man who insisted that the two annual Sundays his family could not wear new clothes were Easter and Christmas.  He was not against having nice things; rather, he did not appreciate turning church into a Finery Parade.  He tried to teach his family that church was a time to worship God, not to get attention for self.

Through the decades of Easter dresses, I have noticed a variety of trends.  Over the past few years, the styles have shifted so that most ready-made springtime dresses available for girls (and for women) are sleeveless.  Some modesty-conscious mothers try to rectify this problem with undershirts or micro-jackets, but the "darling" dresses send a message to our children about our ideas on beauty.  And, sooner or later, the jacket or the shirt comes off.

This was vividly demonstrated a few years ago at an evening concert at Temple Square, in Salt Lake City.  A group of children, dressed in their finest, had been invited to participate in selections of newly-composed songs.  They were seated in the high choir seats during most of the evening.

The girls in the group were all wearing white gowns, with their hair carefully curled.  They had been instructed by the organizers to be modest, and at first there was no obvious difference in the way they were dressed.  Soon, however, a girl on the end began sliding her white jacket off her shoulders.  I was seated on the balcony, but it was evident that her dress was held on only by lingerie straps.  The jacket hastily hopped back onto her shoulders, but throughout the evening -- and even while the group performed their numbers -- the girl kept experimenting with creative ways to expose herself.

Was this distracting?  Of course.  Not only was this girl drawing attention to herself by her movements and exposure; my focus was pulled from the music to my musings.  And the end of it came down to parenting.

Whether or not there are issues with the movies she watches or the friends who surround her, Somebody provided the dress and Somebody told her she looked cute -- Somebody probably even suggested she was dressed modestly.

Like the man whose holiday finery traditions were mentioned earlier, the actions of parents send lasting messages to their children.  Prolonging the dress hunt, learning to sew or seeking out specialty shops to provide modest Easter dresses are not convenient strategies, but the extra effort teaches our children that we value modesty -- every time.

(Girl's dress from The Knot; shoes sold at Prospect Hill.)

Parlor Conversation

The oldest son of my husband's brother is kind, bright and talented.  He returned from a mission several months ago and is attending BYU.  On a recent Sunday evening get-together, he was being quizzed about his dating, which has been limited.  He expressed that he was just not interested in most of the girls he had met -- and he cited the trends toward tight and revealing stretch clothing as his reason.

Many girls probably imagine that sexy clothes are more attractive and will get them more positive attention, but this observation indicates that immodesty leads to fewer total dates -- and to fewer happy marriages.

The conversation became very interesting, as another family member wondered aloud whether there would be virtuous wives available for his five sons, four of whom are teens.  He asked each family how many modest girls there were in their various congregations.  We could each name a few; sometimes it was four from a ward and sometimes it was just one from a family.  People notice and know by name those who make the effort to "walk in the light."

Hearing the names of local girls who are trying to be garnished by virtue gave me hope.  I don't know most of them, but I am thankful for them.  Their effort is making the world a brighter and better place.


(The Parable Of the Ten Virgins painting by Ain Vares.  Available in giclee on Amazon.com.)

Beautiful Counsel From President Kimball

"Shakespeare had Poloneus truly say, 'The apparel oft proclaims the man.'  We are affected by our own outward appearances; we tend to fill roles.  If we are in our Sunday best, we have little inclination for roughhousing; if we dress for work, we are drawn to work; if we dress immodestly, we are tempted to act immodestly; if we dress like the opposite sex, we tend to lose our sexual identity or some of the social graces that distinguish the eternal mission of our sex.

"Now, I hope not to be misunderstood:  I am not saying that you should judge one another by appearance, for that would be folly and worse; I am saying that there is a relationship between how we dress and groom ourselves and how we are inclined to feel and act.  By seriously urging full conformity with the standards, we must not drive a wedge between brothers and sisters; for there are some who have not heard or do not understand.  These are not to be rejected or condemned as evil, but rather loved the more that we may patiently bring them to understand the danger to themselves and the disservice to the institutions to which they owe loyalty, if they depart from their commitments.  We hope that the disregard we sometimes see is mere thoughtlessness and not deliberate."

                                                                                                      ~ Spencer W. Kimball