Where Do I Start?

It was 1950.  My four-year-old mother sat on the floor while her mother lay on the bed, resting and helping a younger child relax for his nap.  Mom flipped through a magazine, stopping at a photo of a woman in a fluffy formal gown.

"It would be prettier if it had some sleeves," came the voice from the bed.  Mom had not realized her mother was awake.  She stared at the picture for a long time, considering what she had just heard.  And the seeds of modesty and propriety began to take root.

When do we need modesty and when is it appropriate to start teaching modesty to our children?  Mom says we start as soon as a child is born and dressed for the first time, and that it should never stop.  It is never too early to start teaching -- and never too late for a person to learn about his or her potential and power.


Photo from sxc.hu.  Used courtesy of wonders777.

Putting Beauty On the Radar

Sometimes it seems we are being offered wardrobe choices that fall into one of two camps:  sexy or frumpy.  Sexy choices are readily and cheaply available and we know we don't want to look dowdy, frumpy or silly.  Where does modesty fit on this continuum?

It doesn't.

By definition, modesty means "just right" and "not drawing undue attention," as well as "covered."  That means that frumpy is almost as off as sexy.

My daughter perceived this, years ago, when she was looking for peer role models.  She knew a few girls who said they valued modesty and others who seemed obsessed with the sexy fashions of the day, but nobody seemed to embody the "happy medium" we were trying to teach.  The truth is that the best ground is not between the two extremes.   As with other diverse fields, the best answer is on a different chart entirely.  It wasn't until later that she recognized that she could model that different choice for those who might be watching her.  Whether or not anyone else seems to be doing it, each of us can be virtuous, modest and beautiful.

While reading the Old Testament, I noticed that God cares about beauty.  He instructed those who were preparing the Tabernacle and the clothing to be worn by the High Priest to use specific materials, colors and shapes "for beauty and for glory."  As I considered the embroidery of pomegranates, alternated with bells, around the hem of a garment, I recognized that His expressions in clothing a temple and in clothing the earth are full of variety, depth and beauty -- and it's Godly to create variety and beauty in clothing ourselves to reflect our relationship with Him.

What motivates us to choose from the menu of sexiness or frumpiness?  Either choice grows out of self-consciousness and fear:  we focus on ourselves and fear rejection or we fear to fall into the other camp, so we retreat to what we have been taught is its opposite.  The problem is that neither is the Godly choice.

True modesty is motivated by love rather than fear.  This modesty is creative, focusing on our true identity and allowing for the results which follow that truth.  When we dress with the goal to express our relationship to God, loveliness and modesty follow naturally.  Neither frumpy nor sexy, we become beautiful.


Photos from sxc.hu.  Credit to teslacoils.

Super Heroines

It was Superhero Day this week at my nieces' elementary school.  They wanted to support the activity and went online to see what kind of costume to assemble.  A friend had suggested Black Widow was a modest choice, but the girls weren't familiar with her.  "Well, she might be a little more covered than some," their mother said doubtfully.

As they scanned photos, the oldest sister (the fifth-grader) shook her head over Wonder Woman. "If I were going to fight crime, I would certainly choose something more comfortable!"

The second sister (the third-grader) turned away in disgust after only a short time.  "Why do they have to make all these women be so sexy?" she wondered aloud.

Ultimately, the costume was completely original:  a big pair of glasses and a black turtleneck.  "If anyone asks, I am 'Peter Clarker's Daughter.'  My dad is better than Spiderman and Superman put together!" the oldest sister laughed.

When they arrived at school, the girls couldn't see any other costumes.  "Maybe everyone was too embarrassed," the kindergartener muttered.

Photo from sxc.hu.